Selfishness, which is worth getting rid of, is not just about the ability to live and build relationships in accordance with your interests. It is associated with placing oneself above the family and the rest of the environment due to an inadequate perception of one's own personality. This behavior does not occur once, but constantly.
The overwhelming belief that you are the center of attention often leads to a skewed sense of reality. This false perception is called an ego, made up of self-centered desires.
When they begin to serve as the main (and sometimes the only) guide for a person's actions, the ability to consciously understand one's feelings and views is violated. Physical needs and material values come to the fore, for which they sacrifice everything else, including the opinions of others.
WHY DOES A FALSE EGO EXIST?
In philosophical and psychological schools, there are several variants of the mechanisms for the existence of a false ego and its predominance over the rest of the inner world.
In some, it is believed that it is inherent in the temporary mental shell of the soul, given to it at birth. In other sources, the false ego is considered part of the mind; in others, it is distinguished as a separate component of the psyche.
A lack of consensus does not interfere with the definition, because what makes it exist? All concepts agree on one thing: the false ego is based on identifying itself with the material world and the needs of the physical body. when spiritual values and cultural landmarks lose their significance or at least give way to them.
SIGNS OF SELFISHNESS
Before proceeding to consider ways to get rid of negative egoism, it is important to study its main features:
Focus on one's own person. A person is sure that he is the center of the universe, around which the rest of the world revolves. His thoughts are occupied with analyzing only his life situation and building plans to achieve the desired results.
He is sure that wasting time and energy on others is an inappropriate waste of resources. goals. It is his habit to always emphasize his own self-interest in conversation. He does not consider it important and necessary to listen to someone's opinion or stories in which he is not the main character.
Unjustified self-confidence. Negative egoism is manifested by the individual's unshakable faith in his own superiority. Wherever a person goes, he does not leave behind the confidence that everywhere he is smarter, more beautiful, and in all aspects better than the rest.
An egoist, without a justified analysis of real forces and qualities, takes the place of a leader for himself. He is absolutely not interested in the positions of others.
rejection of criticism. Even remarks that are confirmed by real facts, expressed in the correct form, cause a sharp rejection in a person. He will easily go into conflict, but he will never admit his own oversight or lack of knowledge.
On the other hand, an egoist is always ready to talk about his achievements with pleasure, not forgetting to exaggerate them for greater effect. Acquaintance with the signs of egoism will help to avoid manipulations from the outside, based on the conscious substitution of concepts by others.
This often occurs when you want to force a person to act in accordance with someone's interests. For example, some parents may accuse their children of not accepting criticism and call them selfish.
What for? In such cases of the imposition of opinions, a violent emotional reaction and denial will become quite normal. It is important to be able to soberly assess the circumstances and defend your point of view when it comes to interventions in life. By the way, egoists in such situations are just the same people around.
WHY IS EGOISM DANGEROUS?
The key traits of this phenomenon allow us to figure out not only if it is present in people but also how it affects them. They can also tell a lot about what exactly is dangerous egoism.
Often, its manifestations entail serious consequences not only for others but also for the person himself, who is blindly following personal interests.
FIGHTING SELFISHNESS
To achieve victory over this difficult and dangerous personality trait is possible only with a conscious study of one's thinking. The habit of putting oneself above the rest, and an inadequate reaction to the opinions of others - these and other manifestations of selfishness are habitual patterns of behavior. Getting rid of them and building new, healthy models is a process that includes three main stages:
Identification of the cause.
Acknowledgment of the existence of a problem.
Choice of a method of its overcoming.
Each of them deserves a closer look.
FINDING A REASON
Selfish behavior is born from thoughts, so the cause of its occurrence should be sought in them. Our thinking is a reflection of past life experiences. It is he who should be analyzed, finding situations or circumstances that served as good soil for cultivating excessive self-love.
Most often, the cause is associated with an excess or lack of attention in childhood. Additionally, self-centeredness might be due to an individual's unwillingness or inability to accept responsibility for what has happened.
For example, failed relationships with the team in the first place of work. It is necessary to identify the existing sign of egoism and think about the circumstances that provoked its appearance.
RECOGNITION OF THE PROBLEM
Having analyzed the personal history of the evolution of egoism, it is important to accept its existence. It is worth doing this without judging what is happening. No need to panic about the consequences of already committed actions, do not scold yourself or justify.
It is important to constantly keep in mind your goal - to get rid of selfishness. Past events must be viewed in the past tense without denying them. To do this, try to look at yourself as a stranger.
To start a successful struggle, it is imperative to identify what the problems are before they occur and stop denying them.
COPING METHODS
Independent work with the support of the environment. Struggle at sessions with a qualified psychologist. When a person can't even admit to themselves when they're having a hard time, it is best that they reach out for help from someone who can guide them through this difficult time.
If you managed to gather your inner strength on your own and work through the first two stages, you can successfully get rid of egoism on your own. It will be useful to enlist the support of close people with whom a trusting relationship has been established.
HOW TO GET RID OF SELFISHNESS: PRACTICAL ADVICE
To know the truth is to be better off in the war against egotism. Further actions should be aimed at working with thinking. In thinking about how to get rid of selfishness, pay attention to developing new habits and scripts for responding to what is happening.
Let's take a closer, step-by-step look at how we can change established patterns of negativity for the better and thus conquer them.
DEVELOP EMPATHY
Listen to your own desires. Restrain the impulse to force your feelings on other people. Instead, try to cultivate attention, courtesy, and empathy. When you are approached, listen patiently and understand the position of the person who has applied. So over time, you will learn to respect other people's opinions and develop the ability to empathize.
TRACK THE INFLUENCE OF FALSE EGO
Formulate a filter for your own desires. Which of those was most important given the situation? What was greed or pride whispering to one another when they competed for satisfying the sinful motives of the false ego for personal gain?
For example, one might ask a colleague for help if he/she does not have enough time to pick up their child from kindergarten. There is no one to do it instead of you. But if an insidious desire wakes up in you just to shift things in order to earn a bonus at someone else's expense, this must be nipped in the bud.
LEARN TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
Being self-centered is often motivated by fear of the future or regret for the past. As such, it is vitally important to learn how time spent living in this moment will allow you to find your true happiness.
Accept that reality exists only in the present moment, and develop the habit of doing the best you can in it. It's all a lie - this so-called peaceful sleep. All it does is satisfy selfish desires, leading you away from the present moment. In order to find peace, stop these ideas and choose to enjoy this very moment instead.
DEVELOP THE HABIT OF THANK YOU
One of the pitfalls of selfishness is the appropriation of all the merit for oneself. Oftentimes, we neglect to appreciate the good deeds of others. Concentrate on what comes to you from the outside and where it comes from.
For instance, do you usually keep the house clean? After all, this isn't done from thin air. Thank family members for cleaning up. Unable to adequately evaluate the efforts of others? Then give yourself the opportunity to experience everything, inside and out.
Do a spring cleaning job or any other job, thanking yourself for the effort. Now, next time, it will be easier for you to adequately evaluate the work of others.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES
In order to elevate himself above others, a person often seeks excuses and explanations for his own "exploits." They also come to his aid with a violent reaction to criticism.
Let go of the emotional need to always be better. Recognize that you are an ordinary person. Your superiority should never be defended with excuses. Leave only dry facts, and always deliver them calmly.
CONNECT MORE WITH ANIMALS
A little friend will teach you to love. By interacting with animals and selflessly caring for them, we can learn what it means to be focused on others rather than ourselves. Gradually, a sense of compassion and an inner need to just give out your warmth.
They will be an excellent counterbalance to the selfish principle of acting only for your own pleasure.
REALIZE THE TEMPORALITY OF EVERYTHING MATERIAL
Accept the fact that all that was eternal in this world has already passed away, and rethink your life goals. Cars break down, and things wear out. Are you ready to devote all your time and energy to the satisfaction of selfish desires? Based on this, make an honest account of your actions.
Does it include items necessary for people who are going through tough times economically? In Egotism as a Destructive Quality of a Human Being, Svetlana Baranova looks at the issue of egotism.
And they in our fickle world can come at any moment. But there are always spiritual values, the work on which will bring no less satisfaction and over time will not turn into a waste of energy for the sake of temporary benefits.
START CARING FOR OTHERS
Remember that if you focus too much on yourself, you will become all too ready to ignore the needs of others. Thus, attention and care for others will provide a perfect remedy for these traits. Initially, you may be reluctant to do these things. Why switch to others? Lose time, money, and energy.
You will lose these internal contradictions as soon as you experience the gratitude and joy of others upon meeting you. An unusual feeling of happiness from real merit quickly dulls the desire to continue to flaunt fictitious virtues.
ALWAYS LOOK FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE
Selfishness is reinforced by a sense of pleasure from receiving something good. Almost always, it is quickly replaced by a desire to achieve something else. This is how the life of a selfish person goes, following his material goals.
It will be radically changed by the feeling of happiness associated with the opportunity to help others achieve what they want. Realize that by jumping off the carousel of satisfying your whims and directing resources to the support of others, you will get something more. And most importantly - weaken the usual selfish scenarios of behavior.
MEET NEW PEOPLE
After learning how people of other class-status live, you can see past what seems to be common knowledge and stop taking anything for granted. This will entail an aggravation of the feeling of pleasure from the existing benefits, which will help you learn to enjoy the present.
Also, communication with a large number of people will reduce the time for obsessive thoughts about your own person.
GET RID OF SELFISHNESS IN PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.
Remember that creating healthy relationships with others is possible only when building adequate self-esteem. It is important to understand and know one's self-worth without overestimation. To do this, it is necessary to reconsider the usual scenario of superiority over the rest. Respect others' rights and opinions, treating them as equals.
GETTING RID OF SELFISHNESS IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
It would be nice if we could find a way to eliminate selfishness in relationships with loved ones. Often, egoists have an unspoken rule for their family members, relatives, and friends that they owe them something a priori. Therefore, in dealing with them, negligence, raising their voices, and demanding to meet illusory expectations are allowed.
Realize that close relationships place more obligations on yourself in the first place. They should bring pleasure to both parties and not be used to serve one person. Otherwise, you will turn into a parasite and ruin your relationships with dear people with your own hands.
Here, it is also important to consciously give yourself and your partners the same rights. At the same time, pay a lot of attention to personal behavior. You should start by fixing and eliminating moments in which you allow yourself to demand more from a person, explaining this by close relationships with him.
BOOKS TO HELP GET RID OF SELFISHNESS
The following cognitive literature will help you build healthy relationships and get rid of selfishness:
Egoism as a Destructive Quality in Human Beings, by Svetlana Baranova.
Radhanatha Swami Journey Home. Autobiography of an American Yogi.
Amy Banks and Lee Hirshman were both on the same wavelength.
William Ury "Deal with yourself and other worthy opponents."
Daniel Goleman "Emotional Intelligence".
CONCLUSION
This inevitably leads to a decrease in the quality of life and the effectiveness of any actions. A person begins to do something based not on the real state of affairs, but on his own illusions. How do you get rid of selfishness?
The first step is to acknowledge the problem and take action. and also throughout the path to maintaining perseverance and purposefulness.
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